A Letter to my Math teacher:
You have with you my scratch paper. If you look closely my doodles were more comprehensible than the solution I just gave for the problem you gave me. You see, they were incomprehensible at all—those numbers I just picked from thin air, they’re not even close to the actual numbers involved to your problem set. If you look at the lower left side of my paper, you will see a long-legged faceless ballerina standing with her feet uneven; I was kind of hoping she could give an answer to me because I am clueless.
I wrote to you because I need to tell you that I forget everything I learned in a day, because the more I struggle to study the more it gets difficult. Please, when you show examples, as much as possible please don’t try to impress me, I am literally thrown away by your large numbers and incomprehensible speed when you point here and there. Goodness! I am not a machine, I’m just a student. I know it is frustrating to hear me making mistakes about simple things like 3x(y+1) that I often mistake as 3(y+1) or maybe mistakes that have no pattern or whatsoever, or maybe I was able to solve a problem today, but may write a blank tomorrow on my poor sheet. If this happens, please sit down and talk to me, not just point out and write random numbers on my blank sheet because it will freeze me on my seat and make my eyes water involuntarily.
I would want to ask questions but I often think that I will ask stupid ones, because you see, I only get to learn through thorough explanations. I often make stupid mathematical mistakes, just like how often I would lose something or can’t tell left and right, or how I can’t guess how much my change is if you give it in percent. Teacher, please don’t attempt to smile/laugh or exhibit any hostile reaction once you hold my paper, because it will eventually make my heart disintegrate into unrecognizable pieces.
You see, I don’t exactly grasp the whole Mathematical thing. I am not exactly that kind of person who just seemed to hate Math. I have this thing calledDyscalculia and I didn’t make it up just so I could get away with my poor understanding. I have nine out of eleven symptoms of it and I ain’t proud. I can’t even tell when or where I got it, worse, I don’t even know how to take it away.
It ain’t easy, teacher. In fact, in my dreams I have often dreamed I could solve a problem as quickly as all of my Math teachers have. Oh, the sound of the chalk when they tap it on the board with their quick solving, that’s a music to the ear. However, this is just as far as I could go, and I feel I am smarter in everything except for Math. I know it sounds senseless, but Math is making me sound absurd and I wanted to get pass that absurdity. Despite of, I still hope against hope that I would be able to do it.
I hope it wouldn’t be too much of a deal for you to comprehend that I am not trying to get away, nor am I trying to lighten the load compared to other students. It’s just that, taking Math for the 6th time is literally killing my dreams. Thank you so much in advance and I appreciate your patience and understanding.